Monday, February 4, 2013

2012 was an Adventure.

This post has been in the works for a while. And we're ALMOST to the point where I wasn't gonna publish it... but I need to put the wrap on 2012. Cause it was important!

My life motto last year was: "2012 is an Adventure".  For some reason, I put a lot of pressure on 2012 to be this fabulous, life-changing year...and it actually was.

I made a solo move to a part of the country I had never visited, where I had no friends or family.
It was terrifying. It was lonely. I sat crying in my car at LEAST once because I was so overwhelmed and dying for something / anything that felt familiar or comfortable to me.

MARCH 2012
It was fun. It was exhilirating. It was freeing. It allowed me to be completely myself, with nobody's expectations or pre-conceived notions to box me in. It allowed me to be truly stripped of all my baggage in a way I haven't been in years.
APRIL 2012
MAY 2012
I started completely over.  I allowed people to surprise me. I learned how to be alone, and how not to be scared of being alone. I explored. I planned adventures for myself. I took risks. I let people in. I had nothing to lose. I don't know if I fell in love, but I think I came close once or twice.
JUNE 2012
I learned how to like myself again.
JULY 2012
I really did. I caught myself thinking more than once- "Emma Olwell, you are not so bad. Maybe I've been wrong about you."
Looking back it was so undeniably good. And ordained. And meant to be. The truth is, I look back at the girl I was LAST Christmas and I almost don't recognize her. And I feel good about what I've left behind and what I've replaced.
Looking ahead, I guess that's the attitude I want to bring into 2013. My life is my own and I get to make of it what I want.  I never need to feel trapped by anything: change is as simple as choosing who I want to be and doing things differently.
I want to continue doing things that scare me, going places I haven't been, making choices that reflect the fact that I value myself; that I am good, holy & worthwhile. I'm not gonna fear crashing and burning in any area of my life.
I'm gonna search out the things I truly want rather than feeling like I need to accept whatever comes along. I'm gonna choose to see beauty and goodness in the people I meet.  I'm going to be content with and grateful for the things I have, and the blessings I've been given.

"2013 is Authentic". Or FIERCELY authentic, depending on how badass you may be feeling at the moment. In four short weeks this has already proved to be mightily true.