Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Twenty-two Blues.

If there's one thing I have, it is honesty about my own demeanor.

"You're being overdramatic."
- direct quote from my mom. (On maybe a weekly basis.)

Yup. It's been known to happen.

Which is why when my 22nd birthday sucked, I did the logical thing and assumed it was ME, letting my personal sense of melodrama get in the way of reality.

Canadian roommate (photographically referenced as Good Looking Roommate #1) celebrated her 22nd b-day yesterday. HER demeanor, especially in comparison to mine, can only be described as buoyant. But as we ended what was otherwise a typical Tuesday at school with some brownies iced with red and white maple leaves, she described the weird, lonely feeling that had been nagging at her most of the day.

I could relate.

I walked around on my 22nd birthday feeling old. The phrase "Eight years 'til I'm thirty" kept flashing through my head. I almost expected some peppy young freshmen running around campus to come offer me an arm while I crossed the street.

22 is a weird age. You've just come off pretty much the biggest birthday of your life the year before, and that celebration is still fresh, (or maybe mostly fuzzy) in your head. You experience 22 and realize you've done it. You've hit all the ages you couldn't WAIT to hit. What comes next? 55 to start receiving AARP benefits?? 25 to legally drive a rental car off the lot?? (Not even applicable in all 50 states...)

It felt like the beginning....of the end......OF MY YOUTH.

Maybe coming up next is all the stuff that gets sandwiched between 22 and 55. The responsibility, house, kids, job kind of stuff. But there's no definite birthday for that.

That's why I've decided that 23 is the next kick-ass birthday. Me and EVERYONE I can rally with me is gonna grab that number by its sweet curves and angles and party...not like rough, green, inexperienced 21 year olds, but like the seasoned, tasteful veterans that we are.

Don't let 22 get you down. Just do whatever you have to do to make it through the miserable year.


Wednesday, January 13, 2010


So its officially been a new decade for 13 days.
I have owned my VERY FIRST CAR EVER for 6 days.
And I've been back at school in Steubenville for 4.

Good to at least have the numbers straightened out.

Owning a car is sort of crazy. On the responsibility scale it falls closer to having a pet than a baby, but I still feel like I've spent my first days back in school being dragged around by my ever expanding to-do list. I'm staring at my STILL not unpacked suitcase, duffel bag and extra box sitting on my floor, (sorry good looking roommate #2.)

Know what I did today? I went through and offloaded almost SIX THOUSAND photographs from my poor groaning laptop onto a removable hard drive. They dated back to the tail end of 2007 and ended with the loss of my camera this winter. They covered a lot of ground.
It's hard for me to do something like that and not get caught up. There's no businesslike way for me to sift through perfectly reproduced images of the poignant moments in my life throughout the past 2 years.

I guess that this was a pretty good time for me to do it though.

In the past three years I've moved around like someone was chasing me. In a lot of ways I think I felt chased, and was desperate to put some space (ANY space) between myself and experiences at school in San Diego. There's a sense of "permanence" about me being in this school that leaves me feeling threatened sometimes. It could be just the opposite- that all the radical change finally caught up to me last semester and caused my brain to go into rebellion over the thought of starting over AGAIN.

But watching myself (in photos) go from Arkansas to San Diego, to Pasadena, to Arkansas again, to St. Louis and now to Ohio gave me a real sense of "where I've been" for lack of a more subtle phrase. There are a lot of great things and people in my past right now that I'd be happy to define myself by if the need came to take a snapshot of Me- the package deal- heading into 2010.

In less introspective public soul searching news I picked up my OLD, less snazzy, literally held together by rubber bands camera while home over break.

So the photos will be back on, and hopefully not TOO much shabbier. :)